The relationship in a family can be reviewed in psychological approach

The relationship in a family can be reviewed in psychological approach

A person feels gratitude when he attributes his success to the action of others but anger when he is seen as contributing to his failure. When someone is lack of ability to give support to his marriage partner’s problem, so that person feels depressed. Success or failure depends on a person’s effort, and how he can handle the problems.

A person uses his natural speech, indexing the individual as pessimistic then the past event can influence his psychological stress reactions. A person to achieve a success, it is depend on the individual’s efforts whether he has a motivation to achieve a success or not. In the novel Lightning, Sam cannot make negative and disposition attribution for his failure. He let his motivation be undermined by momentary setbacks. This is important to know about psychology of a person, particularly by knowing the pessimistic of person to cope the marriage problem. His attitude shows that he can not cope his wife’s problem because he is bitterly afraid with the past experience. So, his pessimism influences his attitude and make his stress increase when he look his wife sickness, he is only think that his pretty wife will die tragically.

Psychology and conflict literary are connected to review someone conflict. Those theories are the primary reason that can cause marriage failure. Psychology is the theory how to know about the character’s personality, especially the weakness of his character that influences his act, what he is going to do. While his perception is negative, his stress is uncontrollable. Then, to achieve a good relationship he has not motivation. It is the reasons why he always conflicts with his wife. Above explanation completely Sam’s reasons that he fail to maintain his marriage.

Conflicts in a Family

dConflict in family cohesion


Relationship in a family sometimes can be bothered. It is caused by several factors (see previous page). One of them is a conflict. Conflicts are present in most marriage. It may be the result of neurotic or egocentric tendencies in one or both marriage partners. Sometimes, it could be caused by romantic attitudes which predispose individual to expect the impossible or may be the result of diverse value structure. Marriage always imposes the obligation of compromising on some wishes, habits, and values which has been held sacred by one of the partners. The facts in a marriage, they came from different families, different segment of heterogeneous culture. The differentiations some times emerges a conflict in adjusting their life patterns.

James explains that conflict may be viewed in two ways:
In negative sense, conflict may be dreaded as a threat to marital stability. The continuous conflicts and disruptive may sacrifice anything for harmony. A wife objected bitterly to the thought that there might be any positive outcome as the result of conflict because a wife had been victimized.
Conflict is to regard to character depth. It means to the promotion of final family cohesion. A person with a strong conviction and well-oriented values will easily adjust to any situation. This type of resolution of conflict is a form of withdrawal which eventually weakens the structure of family unity and certainly weakens the interests and values of those in the family. Many minor conflicts are solved in this way.
The above views of the conflict in family cohesion can be concluded that many marriage partners have different way facing a problem. The way how to face a problem depends on the character and background of each person.

Kinds of Conflicts

2.1 Kinds of conflicts

Conflict in a story may be presented not as direct opposition, but rather set comparative or contrastive ideas or values. According to Jones Edward, there are three kinds of conflicts:
Physical Conflict
Physical conflict usually found that a man or group in conflict with another man, society, or nature. Physical conflict happens between person or group against another using body strength or physical contact.
Social Conflict
Social conflict is a struggle of one person or group against another person or group. It means that social conflict happens between people against person or can be against individual or group.
Psychological Conflict
Psychological conflict is a struggle between a person against himself, his conscience, his guilt, or simply trying what he is going to do.(ibid). It happens because of some one against his conscience and express disappointment, sadness, sorrow, etc.

From above explanation it can be concluded that there are three kinds of conflicts. Those are; Physical conflict is a conflict between person or group which involves the nature or society by using their body strength. Social conflict is a conflict which also involves the society. Then, psychological conflict is a conflict which also involves emotional and moral conflict. All conflicts may cause fight, argue, enlist help against each other. The conflict may occur between individual or groups. Sometimes, in much family cohesion have a conflict. The writer reviews the conflict in order to give direction that each person has different manner facing a problem. Conflicts may cause miscommunication to other people deals with divorce factors.

Conflicts and Psychology that Related to Marital Divorce

2. Conflicts and Psychology that Related to Marital Divorce

2.1 Conflict
A conflict is the opposition of person. Conflict is the most significant kind of action because conflicts provide the element of interest. And also, a conflict should be a struggle forces between two opposing cases or between two opposing people. They may fight, argue, enlist, help against each other and other ways carry on their opposition. It can be described that conflict is struggle which occurs between two opposing forces, ideas and choices. It means that conflict occurs when two opposing forces meet. The forces can be human or nature forces. So, conflict may occur between individual and larger forces, such as natural object, ideas, modes of behavior and public opinion.

Further, the writer will review the psychological conflict which is relevant with the divorce factors to answer the main problem above. It is a man experiences failure to maintain his marriage because he “Sam Parker” does not understand about divorce factors. Then, he is almost separate.

Significance of the Study

,1.2 Significance of the Study

The most interesting point from this study gives valuable teaching to learn about marriage failure or to know what kinds of things lead to divorce. So, all of you must know divorce factors. ( read… divorce factors in previous page).

The writer expects the study will be useful to many people into improve the knowledge about understanding divorce factor may lead to marriage failure. By reading all study here, the readers get many important things, and get some inputs concerning the causes of the failure in a family. Then, they are able to prevent themselves from having such a terrible ending. (divorce)

Discussing marriage failure the writer also hopes that the readers will understand the importance how to maintain a marriage by knowing divorce factors that supported by conflicts and psychology related theories.

Introduction

1. INTRODUCTION

1.1 Background of the Study

The story of the novel can be fiction and non fiction. The story gives the reader pleasure and knowledge of ho do with other human being and their community. The story of the novel has developed not only classic, love story tragic story but also story for life experience. In the story of the novel always emerges from the problem. It is possible to be analyzed. Especially in Lightning, a phenomenon appears when Alex’s relationship with her husband who is called Sam Parker is very inharmonious. It explains why a marriage fails and why they are unhappy. As mentioned before, human relationships are just as likely to fail or to succeed when men and women rely on human knowledge rather than giving attention or care to each marital partner.

After knowing this phenomenon, it deals with human life as an individual or social creature. The life experience is invaluable teacher. The writer must have the closer look rather than merely skimming the surface statement. The writer uses the conflicts, psychology, and divorce factors theories with qualitative approach.

The reasons of marriage failure.

He is selfish because he does not accept the real condition of his wife sickness. It causes conflicts which lead to marriage failure. Then, the failure of Sam Parker, as a husband emerges when he wants to avoid family’s problem by doing affair, and he cannot maintain a good communication with his wife. Those are the reasons of Sam Parker’s failure to maintain his marriage.



Based on the findings the writer concludes that the marriage failure of Sam Parker in Lightning is a misery of a wife due to incapability of her husband. From his psychological conflicts, selfishness, different opinions, extra marital affair, trauma of bad health, and other conflicts, Sam Parker can be said that he fail to maintain his marriage because Sam does not improve the good ways to keep his happy family. Maintaining a good communication and attention to the marriage partner are the important things to keep a happy family. But the end of the story he realizes his faults. Finally he comes back to his wife.

Marriage Failure Through Conflicts

He is selfish because he does not accept the real condition of his wife sickness. It causes conflicts which lead to marriage failure. Then, the failure of Sam Parker, as a husband emerges when he wants to avoid family’s problem by doing affair, and he cannot maintain a good communication with his wife. Those are the reasons of Sam Parker’s failure to maintain his marriage.

Based on the findings the writer concludes that the marriage failure of Sam Parker in Lightning is a misery of a wife due to incapability of her husband. From his psychological conflicts, selfishness, different opinions, extra marital affair, trauma of bad health, and other conflicts, Sam Parker can be said that he fail to maintain his marriage because Sam does not improve the good ways to keep his happy family. Maintaining a good communication and attention to the marriage partner are the important things to keep a happy family. But the end of the story he realizes his faults. Finally he comes back to his wife.

An abstract of Parker's Marriage Failure

An abstract from the analysis of the story Sam Parker’s marriage Failure through conflicts in Danielle Steel’s Lightning. Written by I.Syamsudin

This study is concerned conflict and marriage failure which are found in the story of Lightning by Danielle Steel. The problems in this study are:
What kinds of conflicts does Sam Parker experience in his marriage?
How do those conflicts lead to his marriage failure?
Why does he fail to maintain his marriage?
How does he can avoid divorce?

The writer applies qualitative approach because by using this approach the writer can produce descriptive information that give a better understanding of the conflicts which lead to marriage failure and the reason of this marriage failure itself. While the steps of data analysis are classifying conflicts, describing how the conflicts lead to marriage failure and explaining why he fails to maintain his marriage. Then little description of how he can avoid divorce.

From the analysis the writer has found: First, conflicts are experienced by Sam Parker in his marriage. He is so trauma with his parent’s tragic death. Sam Parker undergoes several conflicts in his marriage such as: psychological conflict, refusing the fact that his wife affects cancer (he is so afraid and trauma), refusing the doctor’s suggestion and statement, forcing his wife in order to avoid doing a mastectomy, and betraying his wife by doing affair with another woman.
His psychological conflicts lead him depression and confusion. Those conflicts lead to marriage failure. He cannot stand with his wife illness, he refuses brutally when his wife talks about her sickness, and he does not have capability to help his wife’s problem. He is so weak and afraid to face his wife’s sickness problem. Moreover, he does not care his wife anymore. An incapable person like Sam Parker may make excessive destruction to the marriage and to the marriage partner. His failure to maintain his marriage is influenced by several factors. For example: selfishness, different opinion, extra marital affairs, his wife sickness and trauma.

How to avoid divorce?

How to avoid divorce? You must understand with all factors above and practice it.

Furthermore, give your attitude wisely. All factors may cause inharmonious if both of

marriage couple cannot handle and think the solution of each problems. They should

share together to find out the best solution when they have a problem. Then, avoid

involve self-emotional when a problem suddenly appears. Keep in your mind! –Okay-

Socially Disapproved Behavior, etc

12. Divorced Parents
This can influence their children’s psychology. Moreover, their parent’s
tragically divorce is caused by unforgivable conflicts. Children can
emerge from a "good divorce" as emotionally healthy adults. This is more
better than before. Mostly, their parent’s tragically divorce emerges their
life to be fall a part.

13. Socially Disapproved Behavior
It can be caused by drunkenness, gambling, mate sent to jail etc. These
person are scum of society. As a parent they wouldn’t be irresponsible. Because their all the time is spent by useless activities. You never feel happy if you get this man.

14. Other Reasons
For example; interference of in-law, constant bickering different amusement interest, cruelty to step-children etc.

How to avoid divorce? You must understand with all factors above and practice it. Furthermore, give your attitude wisely. All factors may cause inharmonious if both of marriage couple cannot handle and think the solution of each problems. They should share together to find out the best solution when they have a problem. Then, avoid involve self-emotional when a problem suddenly appears. Keep in your mind! –Okay-

Next... factors (9,...)

Next… Divorce factors: 9….


9. Economic Difficulties
There are kinds of economic difficulties such as mate’s attempt to control spending money, desertion, and lack of manage money.

10. Betrayal.
You must strong when you have a problem. Tell him that they can handle the household problem together. It is a great, isn’t? They had better go to counselor when they face a hard problem

11. Religious differences.
You will face many problems when you never talk about these religious differences to your couple. Is he or she adhering strictly to a religion?
Sheri and Bob Stritof state that
If you are in an interfaith marriage, make sure that the religious issues and expectations are talked about and dealt with prior to getting married. Throughout your marriage, your interfaith issues will need to be re-examined as your lives change and especially, when you have children. Read about interfaith marriage stumbling blocks. So, you much talk to each other whether you accept these main differences or not.

be continued (4,..)

Divorce factors: 4….


4. Extramarital Affair
Many men, under these circumstances, tentatively bring up the problem with their wife, and frequently the wife dismayed by her husband’s behavior. A disruptive affects on the marriage. One off big mistakes that can lead to divorce is doing affair. It cannot forgivable for your couple. So, you can avoid doing affair. You must know if someone have affair. I’m sure that he lies with his wife. He always tells he doesn’t have an affair. He lie that he has a affair, he lies that he just making love with another women, he lies that he overtime but he take around with other woman, and etc. Then, your couple will angry with you that you lie. Furthermore you do an affair. So, be careful with this case. It treats your marital status.

5. Women Come Completely Unprepared for Motherhood.
The woman is often faced with the dilemma of children versus career. If she fails to fulfill self emotionally and sexually through motherhood, her creativity may suffer, and then she may become depressed.

6. Lack of Communication
Communication is very important here. Because when you are lack of communication your couple doesn’t know what you want and what she want to do. She or he fells so dilemma. So, create good communication to maintain your relationship with your couple.

7. Blame other
Don’t blame other people if you want to maintain your marriage. Most people blame his wife when they face a problem. You must know that you are time work. You must share together, and think together to find out a best solution toward their problem.

8. Trauma
Some time someone have trauma with the past experiences. Trauma for everything you can avoid it. For example: your parent tragically death is caused by cancer. So, you feel so afraid with this case. You don’t want your wife infect cancer. But how if she getting cancer? When you feel so trauma you will runaway with this case. You can read Lightning by Danielle Steel.

Divorce Factors

I expect the study will be useful for the reader to keep their marital status, and to maintain their marriage harmoniously. All conflicts or problems have many factors th
at can lead to divorce. You must know how to handle each problem wisely to maintain your relationship with your couple.
The writer writes several factors which may lead to divorce:

1. Selfishness
No discussion of self-sufficiency and independence in a marriage is difficult to sustain a marital relationship if attitudes of responsibility are lacking during troublesome periods.
The conflict can appear when someone forces his idea to make a deal something. If someone has strong selfishness with his idea means that he can create bad relationship. The good ones idea to solve a problem is making discussion with his couple. You can think wisely about household problems. Don’t be selfish. It can lead their marriage unhappy.

2. The Affection and Sex Relationship Difficulties
It is regrettable many of the marital relationships in our culture are base on other than purely affectionate longings for each other. Lack of mutual affection, adultery, unsatisfying sex relation, and venereal disease.

3. Different Opinion
The hostilities which inevitably arise due to different opinion. Incapable person can do excessive destruction to the marriage, to the marital partner or to oneself.

How to maintain a good relationship?

How to maintain a good relationship in a marriage ?


I always analyze why a phenomenon appears in our community that a husband and wife relationship is very inharmonious. It explains why a marriage threatened and why they are unhappy. If you want getting success in a marriage till the end, you must know several problems that emerge in a marriage.
Statement of the marriage problems are;
• What conflicts does experience in a marriage?
• Why does she or he fail to maintain a marriage?
• How do those conflicts lead to divorce?
• How do you avoid divorce?


In this part, the writer would like to give the definition of the key terms which related to the topic will be analyzed in this study as mentioned bellow.
Failure is an act that fails, an event that does not accomplish its intended purpose, an unexpected omission or lack of success. So, marriage failure is lack of success to maintain good and happy relationship between a husband and a wife.